To Be Successful, Get Beyond Polarized Thinking

I often write about personal growth and leadershipsomething more than our minds. It's the
themes from a philosophical point of view, so Iacknowledgment that we participate in a higher order
thought it might be instructive to describe some ofthan our thinking minds can conceive of. We
their underpinnings, as they clearly reflect life viewedparticipate in a mystery, and by opening to it - by
through a very particular lens. To frame it as broadlystilling the mind (the obstacle of thinking that
as possible in the language of my own thinking, whatassumes we have all the answers) - we discover the
shines through most clearly is decidedly of Easternkeys to successfully navigate life.
hue.An example. My husband and I disagree on how to
The difference between East and West is primarilyreplace a fixture. I think he is ignoring my
one of emphasis. Since I've set up a polarity here, letcontribution, wanting to control everything. He
me elaborate on it. East vs West. Yielding vs. control.believes I'm opposing him, that I want to have things
Being vs. doing. Having vs. getting. Process vs. goal.my way. After we both quiet down, I discover that
Bodymindspirit as one vs. body and mind and spirit ashe actually misunderstood what I was saying, and he
separate. It's simplistic, but a useful way to begin adiscovers that he was reacting to feeling that I was
dialog, since setting up polarities at all is germane,denigrating his point of view. The dilemma had
another radically distinguishing feature between eastnothing to do with repairing the fixture of course!
and west.Sound familiar? Too easy? Here's another one.
The emphasis in western thinking is in seeing theI have a client who is an employee in a large
world in terms of either/ or, black or white, rathercorporation. In charge of recruiting and mentoring
than seeing things from a both / and point of view.new hires on a leadership track within the company,
We like to make distinctions, to distinguish one thinghe has come to discover basic dysfunctions in the
from another. It's a basic function of thinking and away information is disseminated, meetings are run
useful tool to create order out of chaos. But whatand communications handled. From what I hear, he's
happens when two people - or even you withinright. What he's also discovering however, is that
yourself - see the same facts from different pointsbeing right plus a quarter still won't buy him a cup of
of view? It's a dilemma: one has to be right and thecoffee, i.e. when he shares his insights (read: opposes
other wrong, right? We get in this rut all the time.people's ways of doing things) he meets with
Which is it? How to decide? Control, judgment, blameresistance. But when he gets underneath his polarized
and all manner of internal and external conflict arise.thinking, he is able to identify what's concretely
This dilemma is precisely what eastern thinkingplaying out in front of him, i.e. what is specifically not
addresses. Is there (just) One Truth? In the Yogaworking. It's an opening. Everyone agrees, "that's not
Sutras, the first record of yoga philosophy, the goalworking." Into this agreement he can offer a
of yoga, surprisingly, is the "cessation of the thoughtsuggestion. Voila! The seeming "opposition" - "my way
waves of the mind." Essentially it teaches that whenor your way" - dissolves into "Oh, that makes sense!
we learn to witness the mind - which by its natureGood idea!"
thinks, computer-like, in polarities - we discover thatSuccess is about being effective. One key to being
we have over-identified mind as being the sum totaleffective is the willingness to be quiet enough to
of who we are at a given moment. Yoga literallylisten and to discover the essential common ground
means to unite, or "to yoke" two things together. Ifthat lies beneath the surface of seemingly opposing
you discover yourself on the horns of a dilemma, bepositions, whether within yourself, or with others.
assured that if you get quiet enough, you will findACTION: Select a current dilemma you're faced with.
that underneath the dilemma lies a single truth, aIt can be a disagreement with someone or
deeper truth that includes "both sides."wondering what you want for the next phase in your
Einstein is often quoted as having said that that it'slife. Assume all sides are "right," or true. Ask yourself,
not possible to resolve a problem at the same level"What would have to be true for me to see that
of thinking that created it. In fact, when the mind iseach of us is right, or all sides of this are true?" Or,
at peace - in nature, upon awakening, in moments of"Given that both of us is right, what one thing can
creativity - we discover "answers" that we neverwe agree on that would make a difference?" Or,
could have "thought" of! This points to an essentially"What else must be true for all these seemingly
spiritual outlook, the recognition that we areopposing ways I feel about to be equally true?