| When you wake up in the morning. What do you | | | | that 2) You can step back and look at what you |
| expect to happen? I expect my alarm to go off in | | | | planned with a big dollop of self awareness that you |
| the morning. I expect daylight to have arrived. I | | | | created the scene and the expectation around it - |
| expect that I can move my body and get out of | | | | you meet your partner with ease and a kiss and a |
| bed. I expect my breakfast Radio 2 programme to | | | | hug and then your evening can still be salvaged and |
| be on and I expect the kettle to boil when I switch it | | | | may well end up being better than you thought. It is |
| on. Sounds simple but we do a lot of expecting | | | | a choice. Be angry or find another way to keep the |
| without realising it. It's generally unconscious | | | | joy going. I know it's not easy but what do you |
| conditioning. | | | | want...pain or pleasure? |
| Expectations are okay to a point but when we | | | | I have many many times "expected" in love. My |
| attach and literally crave and desire them, we are | | | | boyfriends had to text, call and be attentive when I |
| usually setting ourselves up for a fall. With | | | | felt they should...blah blah. "Should", oh what a |
| expectation comes attachment to the outcome and | | | | destructive word for the mind to use in it's plot to |
| pressure for that expectation to be fulfilled in the | | | | harm! Zillions of times I have heard girlfriends say "He |
| way we planned. | | | | said he would call, mail, text, come over and he |
| When it comes to relationships, expecting can be | | | | didn't". Because he "said he would" sets the |
| disastrous. Expectations of what our partner should | | | | expectation in stone and dumps your partner in the |
| or should not be doing to make us happy only leads | | | | proverbial doo-doo if they don't do what they say |
| ultimately to one place, misery and conflict. Why, | | | | they were going to. But!..you cry, that's not my |
| because one, looking to the other to make you | | | | problem it's his/hers! Yes, on some levels, but I am |
| happy will only create temporary highs and two, | | | | not concerned with them, just you. How you react |
| defining your happiness based on expectation is a | | | | to the expectation of what "should" be, is the key. |
| never ending journey; one where you can never truly | | | | Like it or lump it, having expectations leads ultimately |
| be satisfied. | | | | to disappointment and hangs one outcome on a |
| But Gina, I expect my partner not to physically abuse | | | | situation that could have many outcomes, all positive, |
| me or take advantage of my feelings. Yes, that | | | | depending on your attitude. |
| maybe your truth. We need to form some | | | | So how do we deal with the affliction of |
| boundaries to maintain our integrity and sense of self | | | | expectation? |
| otherwise how else would we survive, but | | | | Let go! How does it feel when you do? It is only a |
| expectations often form rigid milestones for your | | | | thought. It's about control and releasing control is |
| partner to reach that denote "I won't be happy | | | | about "feeling the fear", to coin a well known phrase. |
| unless...."...eek too much pressure! | | | | Question your beliefs around your partner making |
| Expectations may help to control the freak in you, | | | | you happy. If someone placed a heap of |
| but what impact are they having on your relationship | | | | expectations on you, how would you feel? Trapped, |
| and you? And what if your partner doesn't live up to | | | | stifled, unable to breath perhaps. So that is how your |
| the expectations you have set? In terms of your | | | | partner may feel. Not very free is it? |
| values, you are likely to head off into story mode. | | | | Healthy conscious relationships thrive on allowing. |
| "He just doesn't care about me" "I do so much for | | | | Your partner is not a possession but someone to |
| her and she doesn't show me how much she | | | | enjoy the path of life with, in freedom and joy. |
| appreciates me". Notice the "me" and "I" in those | | | | Expectations can harm and create conflict in your |
| sentences. Now we are getting to my point. | | | | delicate laboratory of love and sadly many people out |
| Expecting is all about you. Welcome to the truth. | | | | there still find themselves inflicting rules on their |
| Lets test this with a small scenario...your anniversary | | | | partner in order to try and be loved and approved of. |
| has arrived. It's been 5 years together and you | | | | Expectation is aligned with fear. Allowing is aligned |
| thought you would surprise your partner with a | | | | with love. Next time you catch yourself expecting, |
| romantic meal, candles...you get the picture. Your | | | | question it's importance and validity. Is this worth |
| partner normally arrives home at 7, so you rush up | | | | ruining my day/evening over? Because my partner is |
| to pour the bath, bubbles etc. The romantic stage is | | | | not meeting my expectation, does that mean they |
| set for a beautiful eve. You have visualised (and | | | | don't care about me? The answer to both questions |
| expected!!) your loved one being utterly overcome | | | | and many more is probably no. A list of expectations |
| with adoration for your efforts and having a | | | | is a form of requiring proof that your partner cares |
| wonderful evening followed by a passionate night of | | | | and loves you. |
| the most exquisite love-making. 8pm arrives and your | | | | Don't you think that love is a natural beautiful |
| partner has not set foot in the door. Alarm bells and | | | | phenomenon? What a shame to have to tie your |
| stories start to manifest. In your mind you have | | | | partner to a ritual of evidence actions based on the |
| expected many things perhaps. Your partner to | | | | stories of your expectations. Be brave, let go and |
| arrive home when they always do at 7. A phone call | | | | focus on giving the love you want. It is after all, All |
| perhaps to tell you they may be a little late. But | | | | About You. |
| nothing. 9pm arrives then 10pm. Finally at 10:30pm | | | | I specialise in helping you to understand what part |
| your partner drifts in the door a little worse for wear | | | | you play in a relationship. I offer 1:1 educational |
| from an impromptu drink after work. At this point | | | | sessions and workshops based around your valuable |
| the choice is yours. 1) You can explode with a | | | | link to the delicate nature of your partnerships. See |
| barrage of accusations about what you have done to | | | | my website for more details of the next workshop in |
| surprise your man/lady and how they have failed | | | | January 10. |